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Articles: Women - Things That Are Not
Ladylike
By T. O'
Donnell
1. Tattoos. - Tattoos used to be the
colouring of soldiers, sailors, mafiosi and punk rockers. About ten
years ago, they became fashionable. The lower-middle classes started
taking them up. Unfortunately, unlike last years' shoes, tattoos
can't be taken to the thrift shop and disposed
of.
To a certain class of person, tattoos are
'cool'. To another, they are a graffito on the temple of the soul.
They mark a woman definitively as lower class, alienated, depressed,
and a bit daft. They're also a handy way to identify one absolutely
to the authorities. Which shows how stupid some crooks are.
The same goes for piercings. My family are farmers. I
associate nose rings with bulls, and piercings with cattle tags.
They are a haven of dirt, infection, and their openings look
unsightly.
With tattoos and piercings, before you've opened
your mouth, you've already typed yourself to people you meet.
2. Highlights and streaks. - Are you blonde, or brunette?
Make up your mind! These might have been novel ten years ago. Now
they just look common. Not all gentlemen prefer blondes. A healthy
head of untinted brunette or raven dark hair is a pleasant novelty
these days.
3. Big hoop earrings. - Unmistakably part
of the wardrobe of the gypsy. Which is fine if you are one.
Strangely popular. Perhaps they're to make the wearer's head look
smaller. Add them to the features above, and an unattractive type
emerges.
4. Binge drinking. - Binge drinking, squawking and
falling over in the street is hilarious if you are the one doing it.
If you are the spectator, it's less so.
5. Visible G-string.
- This is erotic, no doubt about it. Unless you haven't the figure
to pull it off. Likely to provoke a reaction of 'Mother of G*d!'
when adorning the pasty, blemished buttocks of the 'full-figured'
young lady. Bad diet, no exercise, five-pints-a-night, then
'peek-a-boo!'. Agggh!
6. Swearing. - Your gentleman
friends might find this amusing, to your face. What they think in
private is another matter. Habitual swearing is another sign of a
depressed, angry person. It's unattractive. The more you do it, the
more it corrodes your subconscious.
7. Breast Augmentation.
- Also known as a 'boob job'. These look fine, from a distance.
Compared to a natural pair, they look odd. They are to real breasts
what a transexual is to a 'red hot mama'; no competition. Up close,
they're just not as good as the real thing. A perfectly functional
piece of equipment has been turned into a cartoon joke, with
possible long-term medical consequences.
8.
Disappearing Eyebrows. - They get plucked away to nothingness, then
get drawn or tattooed back in. And this is better? One can end up
looking freakish, even clown-like. Loss of hair suggests illness.
Plucking out one's hair is often a sign of mental illness. Girls,
desist! Don't try to gild the lily!
IMPORTANT NOTE: There
are people who'll encourage you in the above. They'll say you look
lovely. Misery loves company, and some people delight in the fall of
others.
Be your own woman. Stand back from yourself, your
life and your surroundings, and decide your own
destiny.
T. O' Donnell
(http://www.tigertom.com) is an ecommerce consultant and curmudgeon
living in London, UK. His latest project is an ebook on
conservatories, available at http://www.ttconservatories.co.uk.T. O' Donnell freeware may be downloaded at
http://www.ttfreeware.co.uk
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